Are You in an Affair, or Have You Just Discovered Your Partner in One?

Are You in an Affair, or Have You Just Discovered Your Partner in One?


Most Affair-Related Writing is Slanted and Doesn’t Tell You the Whole Story.”

“My Greatest Regret”

“Let’s Talk About Blame and the Extramarital Affair”

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Everyone KNOWS infidelity is bad.

If we didn't, infidelity wouldn't be reviled the world over, with condemnatory aphorisms springing into the mind and straight out of the mouth the living instant another affair is discovered.

People don't need another cautionary tale, or to be told YET AGAIN that infidelity hurts people. WE KNOW THIS.

What we ought to be thinking about is:


SINCE EVERYONE KNOWS AN AFFAIR IS HURTFUL AND DESTRUCTIVE, why are people so desperate that they do it anyway?

Because, in the face of something everyone knows is hurtful and destructive, a person must indeed be desperate, in some way, to do it, right?

What we need to be talking about is THAT. Because no one understands that, nobody knows anything about it, and no one cares about it.

Yet, once the affair is discovered, the BEFORES are what people will be dealing with ... only, they THINK The Betrayal is what it's all about.

Slapping people's hands and saying, "It's bad. Don't do it," isn't the way to go. We need to actually understand What The Fuck Is Really Going On.

It's like these mentally disordered people who cut themselves, right? If something is hurting you so badly that cutting yourself looks better, then something is really wrong, yes?

So why don't we write about THAT? Instead of yet another sermon against infidelity that's been preached for time immemorial, that people never listen to anyway.

Welcome to the place where we do, indeed, write about that.

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“Should I be ashamed of staying with someone who cheated?”


To His Wife on His Sixty-Fifth Birthday It’s really best, says therapist Mark Smith, and he’s right, for the husband and wife to heal from childhood emotional injury together and within their marriage and family.”

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Whether you’re reeling or trying to decide what to do, here’s all the things you didn’t know about infidelity before now.


Featured Article of the Day —the best articles and podcasts on infidelity you haven’t found yet.

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And the link to that is HERE!!

To Help You Cope …

Our Publication on Medium


Also on Substack

The Thinking Other Woman’s pieces on YourTango

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The Thinking Other Woman book. (Yes, there’s a book!)



A Few Other Tools, for Those Who Believe ...