August 28, 2024
So we have a few more participants in the study now. I have been invited into an online support group for current and former mistresses (only I’m the only “former,” so far) and four of them have expressed interest in learning to do the same transit analysis on their relationships as I did on mine. So, I’m posting the transits over there rather than here.
However, as I found myself typing notes to them, I realized they would be useful to share here.
Here we go …
After posting a long string of transits to someone from the year their affair started, here was what I had to say:
Now, you may be wondering: WTF am I supposed to DO with these???
So, here's what I did with mine. I wasn't experienced enough to know what all these meant (and I still could use some help with them!), so I wandered about online polling the astrologers to see what they had to say about each one. Of course, many of these I bought online and they came with interpretations by The Great Liz Greene, pioneer of psychological astrology. IMO, hers are the best, but you can also purchase a copy of Planets in Transit by Robert Hand, which I have, and look these up there.
I then mulled over each one and boiled them down as best I could into one sentence. This helps you sort them into timelines when you start looking at multiple years put together. In my case, I put them all in a long column under each person, names across the top, years down the right, and THAT'S when I could start to see him changing relationships and the reaction of each female over the course of several years.
But, of course, there were transits that DIDN'T reflect that. At this point in my astrology journey, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THOSE. So I paid attention to only the ones that showed his comings and goings, and assumed the rest were trash.
Um, don't do that. More on why later ...
I did mine in two stages: One in which I looked at ALL my one-sentence summaries, and then the last one, where I grouped like ones together. I also noted that many transits sounded happy and many sounded terrible. So my ending table for each year was divided into Good Leg and Bad Leg. Therefore, our 2015's, which is the year we got together, ended up looking like:
Me: Good Leg--A new potential I don't know what to do with. A stable and happy relationship starts, with several REALLY good years. (And THIS is why I ignored all the crummies. I went, "I want that!!" and went ahead when he said he was going to divorce her. The Bad Leg? A relationship based on unreal expectations falls apart. HORRIBLE. End of one cycle and beginning of a new one. (And it was ... the ending of me as my husband's wife and widow and the start of this journey.) I have an opportunity to grow, or I COULD become destructive to others instead. There's NO free bounty here--if I take the relationship now, it will slam me down later. Trying to move forward but can't. A bad event; struggling for survival. Advice showed up here: EXAMINE OLD CHILDHOOD PATTERNS AND GET RID OF SOME TO EXPRESS OTHER ASPECTS OF YOUR NATURE. Don't drift; set new goals.
Him: Good Leg--A new potential he doesn't know what to do with. (STILL don't believe in astrology??) Healing well from old childhood wounds til 11/2015. A new and transformative relationship meant to trigger inner change begins now. You find out life is bigger than you thought; there's a change in how you define love. Stimulating, creative atmosphere; breakdown of old structures leading to radical change. Bad Leg--2011-2025: You're TRYING to heal old childhood wounds, but the way you're doing it is ill-considered and causing pain to others. A mythic battle--you see only "fight" and "submit" and can't see your other options. Issues of power and control. You're reacting against restrictions in a relationship and might have an affair. Stuck and can't move forward.
And, because I had all but birth time for the wife, I made an educated guess and did this:
Wife: Good Leg--Healing, happiness, contentment; new magic in an old relationship. (Well, THAT sure as fuck didn't happen.) Bad Leg--Depressed, down; bad personal life, codependent. (And that was the truth; he moved out.) Alone; cut off. Extremely important to find inner resources rather than depending on others for security. You're turning others into surrogate parents. If you hang onto a passing relationship, you could exercise bad judgment and make things much worse. (Yep ... she erred.) You're unable to recognize what you're actually doing and feeling. (Since she meets every criterion in Pia Mellody's Facing Love Addiction for the avoidant partner in a relationship, I have to agree.) End of a chapter in life. Need to break off old childhood dependencies and let other parts of your nature emerge. (And THIS is where I realized that many times the wife and the affair partner mirror one another and the cheater is picking THE SAME PERSON over and over.) Issues of power and control; problems with boundaries and self-sufficiency.
And THAT, folks, is where I learned to observe how she was acting and vow to do better. Which is one of the reasons I let him go in 2017 instead of keeping on seeing him and trying to wheedle him into leaving her for me. Didn't mean I knew WHAT THE FUCK to do instead, which is why the last nine years sucked so very badly.
So you can see in just one year's worth of transits here, what pearls can be gleaned. And this is NOT being able to figure out what the "trash" transits were talking about. I did eventually figure them out ... but those are the ones from this year and the next two years, and we ain't there yet!!
More to come, as I await the other people’s work on their transits. It will be interesting to see if the usefulness and accuracy of my study on my relationship can be replicated.