July 31, 2024
So, I just found out the person I thought never forgot about me fell out of love with me some time ago, who knows when, and just hung around this website for years because he felt sorry for me and was hoping to see me meet someone else and move on to be happy with someone else.
That’s really sweet. It’s nice to know he still cared how I was and had good hopes for me.
Meanwhile, me, the idiot, kept seeing all these visits and what pages he looked at, and came to completely the wrong conclusion. When someone tells you they still love you two years after you break up and then has a reading pattern like that … well, it’s easy to get confused.
But this person doesn’t love me anymore, and hasn’t for some time. Who knows how long?
All I really did—and this is all that happens in at least half of extramarital affairs—is get him back together with his wife and family.
There’s a large subset of affairs where this happens. The person who cheats meets this wonderful new person and falls head over heels. They think they want to leave their marriage and be with their affair partner.
But then time goes on. The more they think about actually leaving their family, the more they aren’t sure.
This could have been much, much worse.
We have this whole line of volatile transits in all our charts that talk about this. The last time we spoke, in 2017, we had the choice to get back together and really have an affair, sex and all. But I saw that if we did that, the next four years were going to be awful, with him being unable to make up his mind and going back and forth and back and forth.
That was why, back in 2017, when he wanted to see me again, I had to say no. He said he still loved me but he was choosing to stay in his marriage so he didn’t lose his adult kids and family.
Choosing to stay in your marriage is choosing to stay in your marriage. So, I said okay and let him stay there.
I have no idea why he hung around here so long and so tenaciously. Personally, I would have just felt bad and left. Or not looked back here quite so much. I mean, if you look and you see a person struggling and not getting better, there’s nothing you can do about it. You just have to leave them to it. Some people just don’t change and they never get better. It’s sad, but oh, well.
At some point along the way, this person just felt sorry for me. He loves his family and he’s committed to his family and he would never, ever leave his family. Maybe it’s a somewhat disconnected, lonely marriage, but he’s made a mature choice that he’s staying for the sake of his family and he’s accepted it the way it is. He doesn’t want to leave. He’s happy enough, and his family means way too much to him. This is a noble and mature thing to do.
This is the way a very large proportion of affairs end up. The cheating person doesn’t really want the affair partner. They want their spouse and family, and the longer they’re with the affair partner, the more they realize this.
But now, things are a horrible mess. They’re started up with someone else who’s dependent on them and clinging to them. There’s good things about the affair partner. The sex is good. They’ve made that person promises and they know they will break the affair partner’s heart and now they feel guilty. Now the spouse finds out. The marriage is in an uproar. Things are HORRIBLE.
This is what could have happened. There’s a HUGE long storyline in our transits where this is very, VERY clear.
And that would have been a shame. He’s with his family now. He loves his kids and grandchildren. He’s happy where he is. Yeah, sure, the marriage could be better, but he’s okay with it and they’re comfortable.
What a horrible, horrible, horrible thing it would have been if I had grabbed him by the throat and not let go and ruined this.
He’s with his family. He’s happy there. I would not have ruined this for the world.
And I’m so very, very glad she never knew about it and I didn’t.
I’m okay now, and I’m moving on. I’m sorry it ever happened.
I wouldn’t hurt him or his family for anything. I’ve learned how to be alone, I’m perfectly okay now, and I’m glad they’re all okay.
This is why I say: The true purpose of the affair partner is to get the married couple back together again.
I guess that mission was accomplished years ago. So, I’m all done here now!