July 19. 2023 I’ve been so confused and sad about all this. And, when confused and sad, of course I look for answers. What I’m being told about this point in time (AND I HAVE NO WAY OF VERIFYING THIS) is that this person is still hanging around because he hasn’t made up his mind yet. (After eight fucking YEARS????)
There’s a whole cohort of people in this situation. For this cohort of people, one of two things is true: 1.) This was never, ever supposed to come together, and the people were simply supposed to learn a lesson and apply it to future relationships going forward. 2.) This WAS supposed to come together, but the person who ran is struggling to get wits and courage to do the right thing for himself by coming the fuck back. They are a commitmentphobe; they’ve learned not to trust relationships and being vulnerable from all the shitty relationships in their past; they think all relationships end up the same; they’re too worried about What Other People Will Do; they have low self-worth; they don’t have any faith anything will ever go better because how things have been is always how things have been. (And boy, can I ever relate to that one!) And, they feel like they can never be honest, because other people will react badly, so there's a lifetime of playacting here. (But what kind of relationship is it where you have to act and act and act and act and can't be the real you? Do people even really love you if they don't know the real you? Which is why I'm not with my family anymore. Too much acting for too little return.) Because of these problems, many of the people in group two will falter and decide to remain where they are. Because I’ve done so much damn work on our horoscopes, I SEE GROUP TWO playing out in our transits from now through fall 2025 (and hers, far beyond that, sad to say.) So, I’m inclined to believe what I’m being given to understand. And, because it’s been eight years, the person in question is depressed and pessimistic, the person in question really isn’t much into learning new skills for handling resistance and name-calling from other people, there’s so much pressure to just remain where he is and keep making other people happy, and because IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER than fighting to actually change, I think I’d better brace myself for the eventuality that this person doesn’t make it, sinks back, and once and for all says, ”I’ve made my bed, so now I have to just lie in it.” Again. Because. 99.999999% of the time, that’s what these married men do. You can’t run a pub on infidelity as long as I have without confronting that inescapable fact. When things could go SO much better and he does NOT have to just lie in it! But, oh, well. It’s his choice. I can’t do anything at all about anything at all. Except just chalk it up to experience, put it all behind me, and just learn to appreciate what I have. So, I am. I’m bracing myself. One day soon … maybe two days ago … he will make his last visit, and I will never see nor hear anything about or from this person, ever, ever again. OK. If that’s what you want to do, go do it. You’re 64 years old, and I can’t stop you. And if you don’t trust me by now, there’s just no hope anyway.