September 23, 2023
It’s also interesting that in looking at these transits (I did hers, too), there’s a thread running through that tells her her marriage is improving, together with his thread that he’s making peace with his limits and those of others and staying put peacefully. They still talk about tough relationship times for sure, but they talk about change and growth. (That’s only one leg, though. More to come on that!)
ONE of those transits talks about having done work in the past that results in being able to express oneself and having grown a lot. (And I believe this is the end result of a process that started with counseling in 2016, when both parties were advised to lay all cards on the table and be honest about everything that was bothering them in the relationship.) Yes, his silence now COULD mean progress over there.
BUT, I’m informed she didn’t do her work then, and his view patterns over time suggest she isn’t doing any now. Who else would stay up all night after reading a post from me that ordered him off the page? After SEVEN YEARS?? Who else would read tons of posts and then clear off the page for good, except for coming back and looking at blog topics only? Who else would go back and read ASTROLOGY PAGES for fuck’s sake (when he doesn’t believe in astrology) because the website is about to go down???
I believe we’re not on that timeline.
And I’d FUCKING BETTER NOT go down that timeline where I’m so sad the relationship didn’t happen that I ruin the rest of my life.
NOW, in 2024, THE TRANSITS FOR LEAVING FLIP.
Whereas, in 2023, out of 15 “GO” transits, seven of them sounded distinctly unhealthy, ill-considered, and cruisin’ for a bruisin’,
in 2024, out of 14 and a half (sometimes a girl needs a half)“GO” transits, only 3 1/2 sound like that. The rest are talking about leaving being a necessary, albeit scary, HEALTHY change.
That’s, well, 14.5 transits out of a possible 25 in the “GO” category, most of them healthy, compared to 8.5 out of 25 in the “STAY” category. And 3.5 of those “STAY”s are staying unhappily because still codependent. Therefore, we can assign the healthy ones to the leg where change was happening in the marriage, most likely, and assume that’s not the leg we’re on, because I have too much evidence healthy change in the marriage didn’t happen. (When you recommit to your marriage because you see the other person really trying and you’re staying because you really want to, the mistress becomes persona non grata and the first thing you do is write that person off and STAY THE FUCK AWAY. Which sure hasn’t happened these eight years.) Only two transits remain in the “STUCK” category next year. Both of them talk about broken dreams, and not up to the challenges you face. I have no information about whether the sheer number of transits talking about something reflects probability. But it sure does look that way, doesn’t it?
We have only three months left in 2023, and he’s missing. So we’re not on that leg where he leaves in an unhealthy way, trying to get me to do his work for him, can’t leave the marriage and bounces back, and there’s a tragic humiliation for everyone. I have too much evidence she hasn’t done any work on herself and the marriage to assume we’re definitely on the “STAY because the marriage is better” track. He could be on the STUCK track. Although, next year, he’s only got two fucking transits for that. Seems like we’ve got a pretty good chance of being on the “Finally, he leaves because he’s healthy enough to do it healthily” track. Which was what I wanted in the beginning. One of the things I thought to myself when I first approached him was, “If he ever leaves, I want to be first in line.” NOT, “I’m going to steal him for myself,” but, “IF HE EVER LEAVES.”
And I had hoped that if we both worked while we were apart, that would become possible and eventually happen.
I just didn’t know what the fuck to think, because of the back-and-forth-in-an-affair transits we got back in 2018-2021, which I said no to in 2017 because I thought they looked horrible.
I just didn’t know what was going to happen if I told him no then. I was afraid I’d never see him again, and if I said no then none of the rest of it would ever be on the table ever again.
Well, maybe not. I need to face that possibility with strength, because things CAN and DO go wrong. If I made the right choice for the right reasons then and now some monkey wrench happened and they’re actually on the “better marriage” leg or the “stuck forever” leg and I just don’t know about it, I’m going to have to swallow it and GO ON WITH MY LIFE. I need to find a way to be happy. I can’t let this ruin my life forever. There’s no use looking back forever, regretting that we never got to have the times I wanted us to have. Even if we needed them and it’s very sad. I still need to find a way to live and go on. But, according to this analysis, there’s a good chance we’re on the “LEAVE for a healthier relationship” track, and I just don’t find out about it until sometime in 2024. Pluto retrograde shadow starts in January. But first Pluto retrograde doesn’t end until October, one year from now. Even tarot card readings are starting to sound more optimistic than they have in a long, long while. And—oh, my gosh! October 2024? THAT’S when those good Neptune transits I always thought were going to be him coming back actually START. I just need to find a better life for myself all on my own, and find a way NOT TO RUIN MY LIFE waiting for them, or feeling so, so sad that we almost made it and didn’t, if this time next year rolls around and that’s all there is in my life. So what do MY 2024-2025’s look like?
28 30 transits, 12 of them fall into the “Huge disappointment you aren’t handling well.” These look AWFUL. I’m “ruthlessly trying to be more ‘special’ and ‘important,’ depressed and distressed because hidden agendas for other people didn’t work out, waking up out of a fantasy world, feel like I’m just not good enough all the way from childhood, and didn’t get anything I wanted so now I feel hopeless about life.
Clearly, I need to stay out of this one. Please note that I CAN STEER MYSELF OUT OF THIS ONE. I don’t have to think that way and react that way. I tried a grand experiment that failed, it wasn’t all due to me, and I don’t have to dwell on what’s not happening and feel miserable about it forever. If I don’t learn to live out of what I still have left I WILL RUIN THE REST OF MY LIFE.
And hasn’t it been bad enough already??
The other transits? Seven Nine of them, I get the relationship. However, THREE FIVE of those talk about bad communication, overidealizing a partner and not seeing problems in a relationship, getting what I wanted and then being angry and wishing I could change my mind, and a fated “drah-mah.” (Actually, I note here that two of these are doubled and I didn’t count those, so it’s 30 transits total and I’ve gone back and struck through and corrected.) Four are a happy relationship that goes well.
One wonders whether some of these are holdovers from 2023, where a person leaves but isn’t ready and is doing it in an unhealthy way, expecting me to do his personal growth for him.
The sad fact is, this person is such a consummate, award-winning actor in his own life that if he were still acting, pretending, lying, and not forthcoming about his own needs and feelings in his personal life, it could be that codependent relationship where things really are bad and I don’t find out about it for a long, long time. Because he’s acting. Pretending. Low-self-worthing. And Not Being Honest. Then I find out, years later—BLOOO-IE!!! I thought we had a great relationship, and he’s been nursing secret resentments and angry with me for YEARS. AHEM, just like his wife did.
The other eight are where I handle a huge disappointment in a healthy manner. Many of them talk about getting ahead in a vocation, but there’s one where I don’t and I just give up this sick self-image from family that I’m nothing if I don’t Achieve, and just move on from everything I wanted in youth and take life as it is and learn to be happy with what there is. It’s pretty clear from all this what the healthy legs are and which ones they aren’t. The task is not to make Achieving This Relationship the be-all and the end-all in my life, because it may not happen. And if it does happen, not to kid myself and think things are okay when they’re not. I already know what the danger signals are that a codependent isn’t being honest and is not responding with authenticity in relationship. (I wrote years ago about how I spotted that and he actually just came back and read it!!) SO: I don’t know WTF is going to happen. All I know is what attitude is healthy, and what attitude results in RUIN.
The rest of my life is mine to ruin.
I know how to be healthy, and I know how to be sick. I need to break away from the sick thinking and start with the healthy thinking right now or I am the one who will pay the price.
Yes, it’s nice to hope for a relationship, but ruining one’s life over it will never work. That has to STOP RIGHT NOW. Life will go on whether there’s a relationship or not, and I need to be prepared for never having one again, because most of these transits reflect being alone and old. And I am old, and at my age and weight and with my personality, I’m not a beau-catcher. And I don’t want anyone else anyway!! So why moon over the past and ruin my life over relationships that are already gone??? Unless there’s another chart here I don’t know about, I stand a good chance of being alone or ruining my life in another sick relationship with another sick person who can’t change, and I need to circumvent that forthwith. I did a good job of that once, but then I stayed stuck in the past wishing for old times long gone. If they’re long gone, then they’re long gone, and crying won’t bring anything back. If there’s a shot, then I need to make DAMN SURE it’s healthy, and I know how to do that. NO FOOLING MYSELF. The stakes are too high here. There’s no point ruining my life just because I decided I wanted something back 25 years ago without really knowing anything about it. That’s like choosing your career when you’re four and never changing your mind. (And I should know, I did that, too.)
Incidentally, did I mention how many of her 2027s talk about having been LEFT? 24 out of 33. I’ve done a lot of these analyses over the years, and they NEVER look this bad. Sheesh.