Yuck, Book Two.

Life Lessons
Sad Goodbye
July 21, 2023
So I wrote that, and then went, Well, maybe I should look at our charts.
Interestingly enough, he has a big ol' Venus conjunct Uranus ... guess what? Exact at the end of August. There are some other things as well, but I'm not going to waste my time. Basically Venus conj Uranus is a sudden steamy relationship that doesn't last and is only a flash in the pan.
Which is what I was told last time. Alice Portman told me there was tons of Uranus around our relationship when it started, and that was just a relationship that shows up to teach us something and then leaves, but I didn't listen.
I don't need that again. Let's listen now, shall we? Especially since I'm serving as my own astrologer these days.
We should all keep in mind that natally, he has Uranus opposing his Moon ... which sits in the fifth house with Chiron right on top of it. So, this person is wounded in the departments of romance and children, and possibly creativity as well, although I think he may have escaped this one. And these wounds oppose any and all efforts at Uranus: "I gotta be me."
Translation: Any effort to be himself doesn't sit well with what he needs to feel comfortable and okay in life. The fifth house is romance, creativity, and children, and Chiron conj Moon here reflects a deep wound from the family home, or possibly from the first love. Bingo on both those counts. So ... there's a relationship that reflects the need to be himself, but he can't do it because he feels too uncomfortable because of disapproval from children, and he has low self-worth due to rejection at home and from his first love. Any attempt to be himself has to battle all this, and at almost age 65 I think we need to conclude this person's going to lose that battle.
Give up on him. Move on.
I just wish there were something to move on TO.
I got another reading today about possible career success after I finally give up on this guy and leave him in the past ... but if THAT ever happens, I'll eat my HAIR. Which is still quite long, and could create the world's largest trichobezoar.
How is this like my mother? Well, just like with Mom, I went into this thinking, At least he'll know I love him.
But, really. Does it do any good?? It doesn't matter how much you're pushing someone off their rear end, going, "Attaboy, attaboy, attaboy, attaboy, you're good enough, you're good enough, you're good enough, you're good enough, Iloveyou, Iloveyou, IloveyouIloveyou!"
Some of that shit has got to sink in.
When it doesn't, things are hopeless.
How long am I going to sit here trying to get it to sink in? It doesn't do any good, and it just hurts me.
Just like my mom. I realized dealing with her behavior and trying to babybabybaby her feelings all the time didn't help her, and it just destroyed me.
So I guess I have to do it again. If this person can't wake up, this person can't wake up.
He doesn't HAVE to sit there wallowing in OH, how terrible and repulsive I am. OH, I do EVERYTHING wrong. OH, I hurt my girlfriend. OH, my kids. OH, wife's brother and sister.
Familes CAN reconfigure, and you don't have to martyr yourself to other people forever ... especially when they've had a big heads up and eight years to meet you halfway, only it's too much trouble for them or they're just too damaged.
But, really, the only person I can hope to reconfigure is myself.
So, if this comes to pass in a month or so, it will be hideously disappointing and the final goodbye. Better brace myself.
Supposedly, better things will come after this person is gone. But, I've learned not to count on better things.
Not in this life.